Booklicious: Getting Personal with the LRB

June 08, 2010


The London Review of Books is Britain's most esteemed literary magazine. Published fortnightly, it features essays, reviews and the most outrageous personal ads ever set in type. The following is a selection from the latest issue. 

*The size of one of my hands alarms me. If you are a hand doctor, female, under 35 and sexually adventurous, please write.
box no: 11/02

*Boyfriend or similar urgently sought for house party in south-west France in early July. Auditions starting in London immediately. Tall, blonde, F, 36 with almond eyes and other cat-like tendencies.

*I'm at least 90% certain that we're going to hook up. Under-grad statistician, 62.
box no: 11/07

*I was recently victorious in a small claims court and with my compensation cheque I'd like to take you (F to 48) on a weekend bicycling trip to the lake District Centre Parc. This offer doesn't include meals or alcoholic beverages. M, 53.
box no: 11/01

*You're not just any woman, you're my reincarnated dead wife. Sylvia (or equally voluptuous Fs to 55), please write, I miss you, honey (or whoever you are).
box no: 11/03

*Bookish girl wanted. Audio poem.

*Replying to these ads may seem difficult. So I'm making this easier by sporting very casual clothing -  denims, a jersey, no tie - while writing this. I also plan on revealing my first name so that you don't necessarily have to call me Dr Clowder. Dr Clowder, 58, Louth.
box no: 11/04

*I make love using sonar pings. It's flank speed ahead with HMS Impregnator.
box no: 11/08

*I tested well with the 38-50 demographic. The same demographic also enjoys healthy cereal breakfasts and is open to product offers from financial institutes. If you're 38-50, like museli, and would consider a savings account that gives you a 6.1% return on balances over £5000, write now to Eddy 'Babycanon' Mulligan.
box no: 11/05


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